sure matching underwear is cute but matching black underwear makes me feel powerful
Taking naked pictures of yourself does not make you a bad person. People who share them without your permission are bad people.
one time I had this dream that I logged on to amazon and my account had like negative four trillion dollars because i accidentally bought the city of Paris
i hate it when you go out with your friends but no one bothers to tell you that you look like a grape
I think I’m going to write a book called “‘Four Hours Is Definitely Enough Sleep’ And Other Lies I Tell Myself”
Do you ever catch yourself thinking rude things about someone or judging them and you’re like “hey stop that, that’s not nice don’t u do that”
1 universe, 9 planets, 7 seas, 7 continents, 809 islands, 204 countries, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting u
THERE ARE 8 PLANETS, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE.
VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU
I’m pretty sure “Viva la Pluto fuck you” is the best sentence I’ve heard all week.